what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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