dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
