Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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