I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
