idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
