If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
