Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
