she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
