So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
