god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
