then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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