I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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