I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
