No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
