I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
