i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize