You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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