i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
