I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
