i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
