Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
