Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
