did you get engaged???
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
