my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
