she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
