I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
