Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
