Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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