his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
