Screwed.edu
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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