Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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