tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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