Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I pour the whiskey from now on
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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