Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
