Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
