Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize