Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
