yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
