Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
