Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
