i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
