Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We just shotgunned beers for America
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
