But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
