If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
