So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
