theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize