I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
