It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
