i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
