how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize