I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
