Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
