instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
