please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
