I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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