Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
