So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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