I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
