Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize