Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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