I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Come back. Shots need mouths.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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