I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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