What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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