The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
this will be a night to untag.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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